Good Friday

my apologies this didnt make it up in time for my usual Saturday morning piss and moan session, however here it is.

Why is it, that on Good Friday we cant really do ANYTHING. All the shops are shut, there's no footy, people say you arent even supposed to eat meat!!! YET on Anzac Day, shops are open, there is footy, and we are encouraged to have a BBQ. Why the restrictions on all Australians on Good Friday, when not everyone is religious? If you are going to impose restrictions on things we can do (which is bullshit anyway) then do it on Anzac Day, a day that affects ALL Australians. Not Good Friday, a day that I and many other Australians dont give a stuff about. We are so focused and strict on observing a day for a mythical figure and a bunch of folklore, yet the wars that have actually happened, and people that have really died to protect our freedom and our country, get in comparison stuff all. Now, I dont think there should be restrictions on what we can do Anzac Day. I think its great that we can go to the footy, or the pub or wherever, because they fought for our freedom, so we should be enjoying it. What I DO have a problem with, is that Im forced to observe this religious holiday that to be honest I think is a load of shit. We have our priorities f**ked at the moment. I offer no apology to all the catholics or christians or whoever out there. If you want to waste your time on this rubbish go for it, but the decision to take a day out of our lives and observe your rubbish holiday should be optional, and right now it isnt.

History in the making!!

so, what a historic weekend, with smokers no longer allowed to kill themselves in pubs and clubs in Melbourne. More on that in a minute.


Headed over to see Transformers on friday night with Duke, and all I can say is wwwooooowwww-wwwwwwwweeeeeeeeee!! what a movie!! loved every minute of it. Before the flick Dukes and I went to Aussie Pie Stop (the first of 5 pies for the weekend for me!!) and then at the cinema played one of those skill testers that gives out chocolate. We came, we saw, we ate shitloads of chocolate! It was like taking candy from a large, mechanical, dumb baby. Here is a picture of Duke dominating the machine






















Overall I think it was a $4 outlay and we ended up with 11 of the finest chocolates anyone is likely to see.

After the movie we headed in to see MDK at the arthouse, in their E.P. launch. Gav turned up in a fluro pink t shirt which was probably more suited to the confines of Prince than one of Melbournes premier punk rock venues. He felt himself lucky to leave without broken limbs. I felt lucky to leave with two functioning lungs, after passive smoking an entire tobacco field. Although Im not sure my lungs are indeed functioning, there is a strange burning feeling when I breathe, and a lung looking object came out of my mouth when i coughed yesterday...

Speaking of yesterday, I rocked out to the sounds of Gold 104FM while doing the grocery shopping, and the checkout technician asked me "if its ok to put the onions in with the canned goods?" WHAT? WHAT?!?! what sort of question is that?!?!! OF COURSE it isnt!!! In the event that anyone small climbs into my plastic bag to cut the onions, I dont want my canned goods getting watery eyes, you f**king dumb checkout girl!! Seriously though, she asked me that question.

Headed out last night with Bear, Holly and Rhi..Had to drop the girls off at 'The Beach' in Port Melbourne, and Bear and I hunted for a pub that would let us in wearing hoods and looking allround average. Finally found a place called the Railway Hotel in Windsor, had a beer there and watched my Tigers go down to the Saints..From there we were headed to the espy for another beer, however I remembered an old burger place (the place is old, not the burgers. the burgers are cooked to order) on ackland st. I had the Mexican burger, and send picture evidence to Duke to try and piss him off. It worked.


BEFORE:





















AFTER:




















Nothing quite like an 11pm burger on a cold Saturday night. Bear and I both had the mexican burger, which consists of Avocado, Salsa, bacon, lettuce, beef.

Going to see Transformers again later with Rhi, cannot wait!!

Blogtacular!!

so im sitting here, wondering why I even started uni in the first place, fumbling my way through my first Management essay. And boy am i stinking it up. Memo to self, read the prescribed readings next time. Better yet, campaign that someone makes them into an episode of the Simpsons that I can just watch on my mp7 player. Yes, i said mp7, Im just that far ahead of you all.

There is really no reason for this post, other than for me to actually get some use from my keyboard. Its only gathering dust while I try to write my essay. Its actually getting kind of mossy, and my hands keep sliiiiiiipppppping off when i typeeeee....

I cannot bloody wait for Friday to roll around, not that Ive had a particularly stressful week. Going to see Transformers with some mates after work, then out to see another mates band in their EP launch. Transformers will be great, a mate offered me $50 to dress up like a transformer, but I dont think I'll be taking him up on that. When i was a kid we had a cat called Megatron. True story. We also had a little plant each in the backyard. Mine died when I pulled out my wizzer and soaked it. True story.

Anyway, im going back to my studies, I'll post up some more thrilling sequences of words when the opportunity next arises.

Hyde Bar!

so we went to Hyde bar last night for big Rhis birthday..Started the night off at Rhis house for a couple of drinks, then made the trip into town, which in its cold and foggy state resembled Gotham City.

After last week being accused of spitting on the bouncer, and then allegedly commenting on his "titties and gut" I was surprised to be allowed immediate entry. I thought perhaps that as soon as I walked in the whole place would be a big cage and there would be monkeys or lions or monkeys riding lions that would beat me up, but it wasnt the case. I was carrying 4kg of steak in my back pocket anyway, just in case I needed a diversion...

Here we can see Ryan 'Duke' Duke (www.myspace.com/notdukey) early in the night looking somewhat interesting, and just hours after this photo was taken, Dukes lips were attached to someone elses.




















Josh 'Snake' Conder had himself a busy night dancing and drinking, however luckily found time to sit down with these two lovely ladies and chew the fat.















Ben O'Donnell (www.myspace.com/notbeno) captain of highly fancied Aids United was in attendence, and made time to say hello to an unidentified human. All we can say about this particular individual is that the black line over his eyes does him a lot of favours.

Fat People and Unemployment - a vicious cycle?

OK, so this got me thinking. When i take a day off work, or am sick or whatever, and go to the shops, there are ALWAYS heaps of large size humans meandering around doing a whole lot of f**k all. Their numbers seem larger (excuse the pun) than that of the average size human, and although their numbers in society are increasing (excuse the pun) there seems to be a high concentration of these fat humans at the shops during the day. Which led me to the conclusion that a large number (excuse the pun) of fat people dont work. Why is this? Well, personally, I wouldnt hire a fat person to work for me. Overweight yes, obese no. It sends the message to prospective employers that you are undisciplined, and lack self control. It sends a message of greed as well I think. BUT are these fat non-workers not working because they are fat, or are they fat because they arent working? Did they get knocked back from jobs despite being at average size, and then turn to the comforts of the ever welcoming Grimace and Hamburglar? Or did they fall in with the wrong crowd at an early age, being trained by Colonel Sanders and his army of spices long before the notion of employment reared its head. These are questions too tough for me to answer, but I ask you all to ponder them at your leisure...

Wolff.

Seriously, its Friday!

who would have thought, Friday AGAIN!! We've been having Fridays once a week lately, its good!! Im wondering when our luck will run out!! This week has been uneventful in the life of Wolff, a week dominated by homework (Im trying to get my pen license) and officework (Im trying to stay out of Centrelink). AIDS had a great win on Sunday, and we're now in the prelim this weekend which is a massive game, looking forward to it immensely. Also looking forward to going back to Hyde this sat night (AKA 'The Library') for some more drinks and good times, although after getting kicked out last week for having too many overdue books I definitely wont be borrowing any this week. I may just read the periodicals and move myself on. This weekend will also be just about the last time I will go out and have to smell cigarette smoke everywhere I go. Disappointing. I actually like watching people smoke, because its like watching f**kheads kill themselves, which if they were doing by any other matter would be alarming, but death by cigarette is a fantastic thing to watch. Rocky has been a handful this week, escaping his cell repeatedly. Sully has proven to be ineffective as a guard dog, her licking of Rockys head doesn't do much to deter him, and could even be seen as some sort of encouragement. I think Krispy Kreme donuts have given me some sort of tumour, or ouch on my brain. I had two donuts and a milkshake last night, and this morning have a shocking headache and a sore piece in my brain.
To cap off one of the poorest entries in the short life of this blog, I have what appears to be an illness. My throat hurts and I am sneezing regularly. Gazuntite! see, i just sneezed. I hope to be dominating a really small golf course tomorrow, if so I will contribute pictures and humorous anecdotes regarding the experience.
Chenqui!

Road To Glory!

AIDS United moved one step closer to footballing immortality tonight with a great win over Spartans 3-2. We are in the prelim next Sunday, and hopefully we can get one step closer to the big dance off for the silverware.
www.myspace.com/aidsufc for more details!

The Library!

headed out last night expecting to go to Workshop, unfortunately the line was pretty long, so Vaughan our tribal leader marched us onward and upward to a couple of places, and in the end we settled on a new club called 'The Library'. Weird name, but they had good beer, and great books!! Here you can see Bear reading Goldie Locks out to the congregation



















The whole crew was there, D Black even taking some time off study to join us, thanks Dave. Ryan 'Duke' Duke was a hit with the girls, as seen in this pic














I searched high and low to find the reference materials I needed for an upcoming study on Mongolian rice water, and was obviously pretty happy when I came across these little beauties!!













All in all a fantastic night with some great company, however The Library needs to provide a dedicated quite space for those doing research, and perhaps an adoption of the Duey Decimal System would serve them well in regards to cataloguing of books.

A.D.D. - An excuse for all!!

A.D.D. Can someone PLEASE email me at wolffenlager@hotmail.com and tell me WHAT THE F**K A.D.D is? Other than the biggest JOKE of a condition/illness/EXCUSE for lazy parents ever dreamed up? "Yeah my son smashes the walls and killed my hubby with a hammer, but its that bloody ADD isnt it" NO, its that you and your family are F**K-HEADS! Whatever your kids do wrong, just blame it on A.D.D. Its A.D.D's fault, not yours. Its not your poor parenting thats to blame. Its not that they have no discipline and live on sugar, no, couldnt be. A Current Affair has stories on dodgy builders, con men, all sorts of dumb sh*t, DO A SHOW ON ADD and what a crock it is. What did parents blame in the old days for their poor parenting? Elvis? The Beatles?
They say that everything in "the old days" was tougher. In this case I agree. In the old days, Im guessing parents had to take some responsibility when their kids threw bricks at the telly, but now, its good old A.D.D.

BANG

Wolffalicious

so, Friday..Here we are. Its been a decent week for me, Sunday nights AIDS festivities took their toll, when i woke up on Monday morning my first thoguht was "did i eat a shit last night?" my mouth tasted soooo bad, i thought some neighbourhood kamikaze cats might have decided to crawl into my throat and euthanise themselves. Not to be, turns out a good teeth brushing washed that dirt and grime right off. I think the trick to AIDS nights is , well I dont know. Vaughans second successive AIDS night spewing was a highlight, and i guess it shows that some mistakes are meant to be made more than once. I was happy not to chuck, I dont throw up often. I am however, famous for my ability to pass out.
We had a new addition to the family this week, with a new rabbit moving in. While I campaigned for the name 'Chingy', Rhiannon finally settled on 'Rocky' which I cant argue too hard about. I am pitting Rocky against our dog this weekend in his first professional bout, and while Rocky lacks size, teeth, and ferocity, he has the speed and the ears to trouble his more fancied opponent. Im headed out for a belated bday celebration tomorrow night, i was in hospitable when my bday occured last month. Headed into Workshop which should be fun, hopefully Mark and Bear get on the red again and do something silly. Major thanks to Rhi and Carly for hooking me up with a cheap pair of Jordan III's this weekend, much appreciated. Rhi i will be sure to buy you a (strong) drink tomorrow night, and well when I meet Carly I'll express my gratitude in an appropriate manner..
Before I go, a teaser on tomorrow mornings famous "Wolff gets angry about dumb shit" entry, this week focusing on a lazy parents best friend, A. D. D. Honestly, what the f**k is A.D.D. What did lazy parents use as an excuse for being shit before A.D.D. was invented?

AIDS U FC Awards Night '07

Well well, the biggest night on the AIDS calendar arrived last night, and did not dissapoint. Josh Conder took home Most Improved, Ryan Duke the Best Clubman, and Vaughan Geddes won his first Mathare Medal for best and fairest.


The night was an overwhelming success, with all the luxuries one might expect from such a fine football team. Guests enjoyed a mixture of local and imported beer, wizz fizz, and 'little boys'.

Here you can see some of the glamour that was present on the night, and also Wolff with the eventual Mathare Medal winner Vaughan Geddes.

The festivities of the night clearly took a toll on an exhasuted Gavin Lawley

Dickos 21st

I went to a belated 21st for good friend Adam Dixon last night (www.myspace.com/adamdixon1985) who was playing ball in the states when his 21st rolled around late last year. It started out as a cold night, and 7 or 8 beverages didnt seem to induce anything other than slurred words. They certainly didnt bring about the warmth i so desperately craved! Surrounded by some of the best conversationalists I've come across in Casey Chan (www.myspace.com/woopachan) and Chris Payne (www.myspace.com/payne1984) it was a pleasant evening. Good to see Dicko..Heres proof I was there, and not just making this up because I stayed home trawling the net for midget on midget action.

Wolff, Fraser, Lawley buy groceries!!

AIDS United stars Wolff, Lawley, and Fraser hit the shops in Melbournes outer east this afternoon, in an episode retailers were enthusiastic about. "Yeah the guys came through and spent about 3 minutes in my check out today, bought a bunch of stuff. They didnt say a word about the male head growing from my left shoulder either" said this Melbourne check out technician.

From there the lads headed to longtime friend Dan Murphy for an afternoon beverage, where Jon Fraser picked up the ingredients to make his favourite cocktail "Bathtub full of drink".

In what capped an exciting day for all, Gavin Lawley won the first ever 'Webb St Powerwalk' holding out a clearly exhausted Jon Fraser.

Mathare Medal Count '07

So we are only one night away from the biggest event on the AIDS United FC calendar (check out aids at www.myspace.com/aidsufc) and the set up for the massive celebrations has already begun. Ill be picking up $600 worth of alcohol later on today with Fraser and possibly Gav, in preparation for what will be a huge night. I'll post some pics and news on purchases made a little later.

Mothers with Prams

Why do shopping centres now feel that mothers with prams are entitled to priority parking? WHAT THE FUCK makes it so much harder for mothers with prams? the kid is in a pram THAT HAS WHEELS ATTACHED TO IT!!!! its not like prams are made of concrete and just have spikes in place of wheels that dig into the pavement. ITS ON WHEELS. If mothers had to strap prams to their heads and walk along, yeah fine, have your close parking spot.
The other point i make on this is its not at all like being disabled. YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE A KID. When you choose to have a child, you are aware of all the sacrifices you make. Taking longer to get to the shops from your car is one of them. Disabled people dont choose to be so, therefore I agree they should get priority parking, but mothers with prams?!?! im convinced that there are hundreds of fat, stupid young tarts out there getting pregnant for two reasons 1. the baby bonus, where the government in their wisdom think we should be promoting these morons to breed, and 2. priority parking, so it takes them less time to get into Donut King each morning and get fatter and fatter, and living out their dreams as Kath and Kim of the real world.

BANG.